Orvan Ox's Journal

No Miracle

2009-11-17T14:04:09Z

Nope, no MFF for this ox this year. What reservations there were have been cancelled. Oddly, I will have the extended weekend (Friday-Monday) off but it doesn't help enough as I just can't go on my own. I suppose it's meant as a consolation and I don't mind the time off, but it feels a bit like rubbing it in.

At least I have heard things might be picking up and not just for the holiday rush. It looks like I might make Penguicon again next year, though RCFM might be a bit dubious.

And some not so good news.

2009-10-02T03:21:00Z

It looks like I will not be going to Midwest FurFest at all this year. Orders are down, the economic situation is... dubious.. and ACME, like everyone else, is cutting back quite a bit.

I'm not out of a job, just that this year that part of it doesn't look like it will be happening, short of a miracle. I'll miss MFF. Maybe next year things will finally pick up some. I hope they do.

I've felt like that, myself.

2009-10-02T03:15:38Z

Usually after a day with lots of anvil deliveries:

Kevin and Kell, Sept. 30 2009

Hey!

2009-09-08T02:02:15Z

What happened to August?

Support Your Law Enforcement

2009-07-17T11:10:46Z

The faster they put whoever is doing that away, the better.

Do I need to wear a button?

2009-07-16T13:32:09Z

I've been asked about, and heard comments about, my supposed lack of.. shall we say, reproductive ability. People get confused by my name, it seems. Rather than try to explain, yet again, the actual situation, I've been considering a means to bypass that nonsense.

I can't do much when on the clock, but off the clock, especially at conventions, I could wear a button or some such. I don't want to be too blatant, but still get the message across. "Fully functional" seems to be something that would be well recognized. Though I cannot help but wonder if that would be seen as a crass come-on.

Not about the calendar

2009-06-19T02:54:22Z

I haven't done any modelling or photo shoots for a while. And not that I should need to say it, but I certainly did not model for the alleged artwork in this story (And I am "fully functional" yes.):

http://www.latimes.com/news/nationworld/nation/la-me-arnold-gift18-2009jun18,0,3589705.story

Considering who it all was for and about, shouldn't the sculpture have been of human anatomy?

Not that anyone has been wondering, but I haven't been contacted by Megan Fox or Olivia Wilde. Probably just as well.

Strangle an ox?!

2009-05-21T03:04:21Z

Olivia Wilde is not only one of television's hottest break-out stars, but she is also the woman Megan Fox has described as “so sexy, she makes me want to strangle a mountain ox.”

A mountain ox? I suppose some oxen do live on or around mountains. But strangle? Why? That Megan Fox has replied that, "of course, anything I can do to save the mountain ox, I’m happy to do,” eases things a bit.

I'm not down, or any other direction, with the strangling thing. And if it's been misheard and misreported and that was "mount an ox" or something related, well now. If they're[1] willing to date outside their species, I'm willing to date outside mine. For the good of my kind, of course. If they want to go to a mountain location, well, why not? Just, no strangling, thanks.

[1] One, the other, both. I'm not an overly picky ox.

RCFM stuff piles up, Of Penguicon photos, and strange vehicles

2009-05-18T10:29:46Z

It's not a big, huge pile, but it is there and almost complete. All but three or four items for RCFM are ready to go. There are not as many items as for Penguicon (whew!) and not many big ones, either. A few items are quite small, too.

I have yet to see any photos of the deliveries at the wedding at Penguicon or of the delivery at Opening Ceremonies. There likely weren't that many folks carrying cameras at the wedding and I understand a wedding photographer skipping a delivery even as odd as it might be (or just not having a decent view for a photo), but nothing from opening ceremonies? That's a surprise. I don't expect to see much of myself, but, well, were folks too busy picking their jaws up off of the floor to take pictures of that tigress?

It's always weird using a strange vehicle. I have a different delivery vehicle for a couple days and I'll probably be used to it about time to be rid of it. The big problem is that it's a shared vehicle so no personal anything gets left in it. And the radio will always be too loud and poorly set when I start out. I just shut the thing off rather than fiddle with it.

What does an ox need to do?

2009-05-10T02:06:38Z

I've been quite busy both during and since Penguicon and I had a good time at Penguicon, don't get me wrong. But something has been bugging me, again.

At Penguicon I am often mistaken for another species. Not just one, either, but it seems I wind up being considered a yak, a gnu, or even a moose.

As Penguicon is at least partly about Linux and the GNU folks try to claim that as their own and there is a lot of GNU software out, being mistaken for a gnu at Penguicon at least makes some form of sense. I don't think I look anything like a gnu other than "creature with two horns" but how often have most folks seen either an ox or a gnu? And often, later at night, sobriety is, shall we say, a dubious assumption. I am not a gnu.

I've been called a yak several times. Where this reaches the web, I try to leave a comment to correct this assumption. At least a yak is bovine, but that's as close as it gets. I am not a yak, either.

The truly weird one is when someone claims I'm a moose. Do my horns look anything like antlers? Have these folks never seen Bullwinkle? Just to be absolutely clear, I am not a moose, either.

Also, I was asked (as politely as such a thing can be, at least) whether I was a bull or a steer! I assure folks that I am indeed a bull. Ox means educated, not abbreviated. I was at least polite enough to refrain from suggesting a direct personal demonstration of this fact, though the idea does have some appeal.

Such assumptions and questions. I suppose if I were to get a nose-ring that these assumptions and questions might decrease. But then I might also be considered an escapee from some video game, a Tauren or a Tauren wannabe. Also, would YOU wear oversize jewelry meant to let others control you? Oh sure, it depends on which others, you say with a wink and a smirk, but the way things seem to work, the fantasy doesn't happen and the nightmare does.

Uh oh...

2009-04-28T13:55:11Z

I know many folks are oddly leery of deliveries from ACME, but most of the time it's not only no big deal but welcome and even amusing. Most of the time. I have delivered a few unwelcome items, from rigged seltzer bottles and spring-loaded pies to explosive items.

Right now I am wondering if I'll be handling something. I don't know what. See, when a door is locked, cackling laughter emanates from the room, and the only intelligible words are "Ain't I a stinker?" something is most certainly up. I just wish I knew what it is.

A week from right now...

2009-04-26T02:26:48Z

I hope to have most, if not all, deliveries done at Penguicon. Then I can relax and enjoy myself without worrying about things much.

This week will seem both fast and slow, I expect. Fast as in "Is everything ready? Sure about that?" and slow as in "Is it time to go yet?"

I have a few discretionary deliveries this time (I get to pick the recipient[s]... a bit of ACME advertising/promotion, really) and a few informal items. I know where most of those will go, just not sure of when.

Wow, the elves have been busy.

2009-04-24T12:56:24Z

I know it's not elves, or at least not just elves. But it seems like a fair stack of stuff appeared pretty much overnight. All items for Penguicon. I know some items aren't ready yet, as I checked everything against the list that goes with it all.

While it might not all take up as much room as last year's Penguicon run did, I am pretty sure there more are individual parcels. Looks like I'll be rather busy. I hope I'll have some time for myself.

Whew! Crisis averted.

2009-04-22T06:28:38Z

Somehow I had been scheduled to be delivering at Penguicon, starting sometime Friday morning, and still be working my usual route that same Friday morning. I only just caught that problem this, well, yesterday now, morning.

The problem has been dealt with, but it took long enough for things to get back to me. I was wondering if I might end up missing at least part of Penguicon this year. That would not be good. Especially as there is supposedly one rather special delivery, that cannot be delayed, scheduled around midday on Friday.

I'm up late. It's a combination of nervousness over things all day and relief. I don't have all the details on a couple deliveries and that isn't helping me get any sleep either. Still, I feel much better than I did a few hours ago.

When is shipper not a shipper?

2009-04-17T10:14:23Z

I've been a bit bewildered of late as I've seen folks use the word "shipper" and "ship" in ways that didn't make sense. Turns out that these folks were speaking of others relationships and dropping the relation part of the word. Then they describe themselves (or maybe it's others calling these folks that) as "shippers."

Real shippers ship things. Move stuff. Shift materiel. Convey items. Haul cargo. Those folks yapping about relationships are not shippers in any sense of the word, as the only thing they move is their mouths. There is a word that does describe those who endlessly prattle on about others relationships, and the name accurately describes what they do. So what are they? They are gossips.

Dedicated to me? Wow.

2009-04-09T02:51:41Z

A bit ago I mentioned the comic Minos the Minotaur and the person (or persons, or personalities...) replied to my post about it. Specifically, a word I used was mentioned as being likely to show up in the comic.

It did. And it was even corrected. Evidently I'd been misspelling and mispronouncing it for some time. I should go back and correct it in that other post.

The news below the comic, which seems not to be archived with the comic strip, alas, had something surprising. I'll quote part of it here since I cannot find a sure way to permanently link to it:

By the way, the word EXCRETA was provided by Orvan Ox, who gladly showed us the way to a thesaurus! He truly is the FINEST OF THE FINE OF THE BOVINE KIND! This strip is dedicated to you! (I hope you're not embarrassed. Nobody should be embarrassed here. Not even the Dumb bum crew!)

No, I am not embarrassed. I am pleasantly surprised at the dedication and impressed, or perhaps astonished, by the high compliment preceding the mention of the dedication. Thank you, Dumb bum crew!

It's officially official.

2009-03-26T00:41:38Z

Just because I told about some ribbons ordered for Penguicon doesn't mean that I would be there. Well, I will be there. I've been given a preliminary delivery list. It's still rather sketchy and "subject to change" which means, more than a month out, that it will change. But that's not a problem. It's just nice to know I'll be going back to Penguicon again.

Speaking of Excretia jokes...

2009-03-12T03:13:55Z

Tax what?

The TragiComic Tale of Minos

2009-03-11T23:51:48Z

It's someone else's art, not mine. Someone (or a group?) going by the name "Dumb Bum" has a comic about Minos, the Minotaur. Having a similar though not identical build (not physique, alas) this caught my interest.

It's the story of, well, a simpleton... at times at dolt... and at times not so much. Idiot-not-quite-Savant perhaps? Minos is trapped in a maze or labyrinth and wants out... and death would be an acceptable way out for him. You'd think it would be easy. Folks die by accident all the time. Minos is different.

One thing, while the portrayal of the maze changes, it's always simple. So simple anyone should be able to escape it in a few minutes even if only by luck. But Minos is neither smart nor lucky about mazes. Since he can't seem to get out alive, he's hoping to die - but his luck is even worse there.

When I first saw the comic I wasn't sure what to make of it. Should I be insulted? How could any bovid (or part-bovid) be that stupid? And more than a little of the humor is rather crude. Excretia* jokes are common.

But this Minos is a fiction. A sort of worst-case down-on-his-luck everybull, in his own crude simple way. The story, such as it is, plays with emotions some: You wind up wanting him to succeed, and then being grateful he fails as his success would end him and the comic.

The 100th strip has just been put up. It's a little mini-adventure that demonstrates the sort of luck Minos has. If you want to start there, Be Minos and choose your (mis)adventure. Or you can start at the beginning.

And vakkotaur? A centaur shows up at times, too.

* ADDENDUM (08 April 2009): The Dumb bum crew, as suggested in the reply below, did use the word - but they corrected it, as well they ought. It should be, and is, "excreta" without any 'i' in the word. I've been getting it wrong for some time. No longer.

What someone says my initials say about me.

2009-03-07T04:04:23Z

It's one of those web quiz things so take it with a lick of salt.

You Are Smart and Worldly

When You Are Comfortable or in a Social Setting:

You are well-read and well-informed. You have educated yourself a lot, and you have many deeply held beliefs.

People see you as candid and outspoken. You have an opinion on everything, and you don't shy away at making it known.

When You Are At Your Best:

You are unique and interesting. You are fascinated by the world, and you're always experimenting with new ideas.

People see you as mysterious and enchanting. You don't realize how much people are drawn to you.

What Do Your Initials Say About You?

Mysterious and enchanting? Makes me sound so.. exotic. I'm just this ox, you know?

Penguicon Ribbons

2009-03-07T03:34:15Z

I'm not asking about them this time around, as it's all been decided already. Hopefully this time the plain ACME ribbons will be printed correctly. I won't be trying as hard to give them away as fewer were ordered. Yep, one place ACME is cutting back is those ribbons.

I'll have four ribbons to give away:

ACME - These go to pretty much anyone who wants one, while they last.

ACME CUSTOMER - These go to folks who get (or have ever gotten) an ACME delivery. (These are the same as last year as it's still same stock.)

ACME SUPPLIER - These will go to folks who have sent or supplied delivery items to me directly. There are very few of these as this is a surprisingly small group.

And there is one other ribbon that will be almost as rare as the "supplier" ribbons that I have some of my own discretion about. I'm keeping that one something of a mystery for now. I'd like to say it was just for the suspense, but I'm also a bit nervous about these. I wasn't given a choice in the text on these, or the others, really. But the others are about ACME. These are a bit more personal and I wonder why ACME is supplying me with them.

Made the MFF Cartoon Diary

2009-03-05T00:10:05Z

This fellow, who goes by the name kinkyturtle, draws cartoon diaries of the conventions and such he attends. He was at MFF this past November and evidently saw 2's show and thus my little delivery to the gryphon. Have a look at MFF Cartoon Diary, page 4-10. Though my horns aren't quite that stubby, I think it's pretty good likeness overall.

Glad I have fur.

2009-02-28T03:43:52Z

The lows have been in the single digits, Fahrenheit, for a while and look to be for a few more nights. The days are slightly warmer. The key word there is slightly. Add wind it doesn't really matter.

I don't really mind all that much. I'm generally comfortable when others are cold. But this little weather report does let me use my new "cold" icon. I haven't had that happen, icicles on my horns, while out delivering. Or I haven't had that happen yet. It is a funny icon. At least I think so.

I'm not the only one.

2009-02-27T03:53:06Z

Wednesday's Strange Brew comic is right on.

I am unique.

2009-02-26T03:09:36Z

Isn't everyone, though? But if I enter my name on the How Many of Me web site, I get told that in the U.S. of A., "There are fewer than 1,529 people in the U.S. with the first name Orvan." and "There are fewer than 336 people in the U.S. with the last name Ox." And furthermore, "There are 1 or fewer people in the U.S. named Orvan Ox." [emphasis original].

Or fewer? I am Orvan Ox. Thus there is at least one. Pardon me, Hence there is at least one.